lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize