Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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