One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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