My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
