now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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