so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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