so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
