We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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