elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
