Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I seem to have left my pride at pride
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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