Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
