i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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