Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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