Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
