Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
