He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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