i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
