watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
