I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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