barbara walters just said penis...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dick very happy bro
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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