Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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