Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize