Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
high people should be assigned attendants
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
