1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize