he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
