Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
