this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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