honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
