You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
