i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
