I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize