I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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