Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
