I think my vagina is haunted
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
