Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
