Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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