i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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