yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
