PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
