1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
