no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
