ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
