I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
