Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize