I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize