I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
