jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize