you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
