you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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