the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
