My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
