i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize