dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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