why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
