I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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