i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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