she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
