He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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