It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
