forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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