This girl is more easily done than said...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
