And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize