I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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