i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
