Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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