I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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