I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
