I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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