did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
